


let me be your air

by wortfee



Category: Football RPF
Genre: Alcohol, Denial of Feelings, Excessive Use of Nicknames for Marc, Falling In Love, Fluff and Angst, Friendship, Love Confessions, M/M, Team Lunches
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-12-27
Updated: 2016-01-30
Packaged: 2018-05-09 19:13:47
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 5,891
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5552003
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wortfee/pseuds/wortfee
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Rafa really doesn't love Marc, even though everyone seems to think it. And Marc surely doesn't love him either. Or maybe they both do, and the lies he tells himself are slowly not working anymore. </p><p>or: </p><p>Five times Rafa denied his feelings for Marc, and one time he didn't.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. one - neymar

**Author's Note:**

> Ahh, I am back with more Terfinha, I couldn't stop myself. This is one of these Five + One thingys, and I love them very much, so I decided to write one. My chapters are short, but I didn't want to post this as an One Shot, don't ask me why, it felt better this way. I hope you enjoy this, and let me know what you think of it! xx

"So," Ney says and looks at him like Rafa is supposed to know what he means. Of course, Rafa has no idea. He's just sitting on his couch, the television showing something he doesn't care for, and there's Thai food in his lap because neither he nor Neymar are great cooks, and both of their cooks are free tonight. 

"So?" Rafa answers, without looking away from the TV, stuffing his mouth full of rice and fish and vegetables. At least it's healthy take-out. 

"What's going on between you and our goalie?" Ney asks, while he fishes out the carrots in his food and places them in Rafinha's bowl because Ney hates carrots, so Rafa eats them. 

"What, between me and Bravo?" Rafinha looks up and sees Ney staring at him, with a look that is too intense for his casual question. 

"Idiot," Ney says and takes another carrot out of his bowl, "I mean Ter, not Bravo." Ney is still looking at him, his eyes sparkling and his lips stretching into a smile, teasing, like he knows something Rafa doesn't know, something that could change everything. 

"What should be between me and Ter?" he asks and pretends that his heart isn't beating a bit too fast now, that his palms aren't sweating, and thanking god that Neymar isn't sitting close enough to notice all that. 

"Don't lie to me Rafa, I know you want to fuck him," Ney wiggles his eyebrows and Rafa wants to throw a pillow at him, or even better something harder, but he be dammned if he injures Barcelona's bright future. Lucho would kill him. Leo too, probably. 

"And?" he says because it isn't really unusual that he wants to have sex, it's not like he swore his purity to Neymar, and yeah, usually it isn't someone on the team he wants to fuck, but that's it. Just a fuck he'd enjoy a lot. 

"Well, first of all he is on our fucking team, Rafinha. So, he's off limits. And if you really wanted to fuck him, you'd have done it a long time ago. There's something more there, I know it." 

Ney's eyebrows aren't wiggling anymore, but Rafa almost wishes they would, so that he could pretend it's a joke, ignore Ney's questions like he ignores the bean sprouts in his rice because he isn't five like Ney and can eat them, even though he does hate them like Ney hates the carrots. 

He can't, though, because Neymar is still looking at him with too intense eyes.  
"You love him," Ney says. 

"I don't," is all Rafa replies because really - this is ridiculous.

"No, you love him, man, don't you understand? You love him!" Neymar jumps up and dances through the room, but Rafa just stares at him because he can't love Ter and he isn't loving Ter and that's it. 

When Neymar finally settles down again, and slouches down next to him on the couch, Rafa's heart is still beating too fast and he's still thinking about Ter.


	2. two - dani

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you so much for the kudos and comments! you are all awesome and i hope you have a great silvester and celebrate the new year properly. <3   
> next chapter wohoo, a little talk with dani. in the next one there's actually going to be marc and rafa will talk to masche and iniesta because they know everything. i hope you like it, and i'd love to hear your opinion about the chapter! (i wanted it to be more fluffier but well)

Dani is Dani, so they take selfies with him being half naked without thinking about it, and they go out and party without thinking about tomorrow and they spend their days together, Dani singing and cooking Brazilian food, when they both miss Brazil. Dani missing the streets he grew up in, and Rafinha missing his mother and her slow, warm accent. 

"You and Marc," he says, and Rafa sighs before he can stop it. 

"Bartra?" he asks, and Dani looks at him like he's an idiot, and he feels like an idiot because of course he knows that this isn't about the puppy, but about their German goalkeeper, or as Dani likes to call him - their German Wall. 

"The German one," Dani says. "So, you and Mr. Blue Eyes, what's going on between you?" 

This talks reminds him too much of the talk he had with Neymar, and Rafa doesn't like it at all because after it he tried not to think about Marc at all anymore, which just resulted into him thinking about Marc all the time. About his eyes, his stupid winks, his laugh, the way his hands stroked his back when they hugged. 

"Nothing?" Rafa really doesn't want to think about this anymore, but Dani is Dani, so he rolls his eyes and sits down next to him, before he asks again. 

"Did you notice how he's looking at you, and more importantly - did you notice how you are looking at him?"

"No?" Rafa wants it to be strong no, but it comes out as question instead. 

"You're hopeless," Dani throws his hands in the air like the exaggerated dramatic little shit he is. "Seriously, Rafinha you need a new wingman, Ney isn't working anymore."

Of course, Dani would bring up that one time Rafinha asked Neymar to be his wingman because people in Brazil loved Ney, maybe even a bit more than the rest of the world. So really, it wasn't a wonder that everyone around him ignored him and started hitting on Ney, instead of Ney helping him finding someone that wants to fuck him. 

"Dani - that was one time at the club in Rio and Ney is never going to be my wingman again because I don't need one!" And because Ney was a terrible wingman, but he wasn't going to say that out loud. 

"You obviously need one with El Aléman!" 

"I do not."

"You do."

"No."

Dani sighs like Rafinha is a five year old trying new shoes and complaining that they don't fit. 

"Okay, well, maybe you don't need a wingman, but you need to stop lying to yourself," Dani's voice is gentle and soothing, and now Rafa doesn't feel like a five year old kid anymore but like a scared animal. 

"I am not in love with Marc," is all he says, before he turns around and leaves. He knows that this is ridiculous and it's not really how he behaves at all. He can't remember a moment in his entire in which he turned around and left Dani sitting alone nor anyone else for that matter. 

His heart is beating too fast, again. 

He fucks people, and he dates people, and he even has relationships with them, but he doesn't love people. He loves his friends and his family, but never anyone else. Not anymore. He doesn't love Ter. He can't. 

He can still hear the thrumming of his heart, too fast, too real.


	3. three - iniesta & masche

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (i honestly love to use team lunches as an excuse to write a get-together of my faves. have fun with the chap, thank you for the comments and all the kudos, you're great, thank you. <3 hope you enjoy it today as well! leave a comment if you want, i'd dig you forever)

Rafa hates waking up early. And he especially hates waking up to a ringing phone when he could be asleep for two more hours.

"Oi," he says, too tired to switch to Spanish.

"It's me," a voice says which sounds a lot like Neymar, but Rafinha is tired and grumpy so Ney could at least say his name so that he doesn't have to think.

"Who is _me_?"

"Rafa, you know it's me," Neymar says annoyed and Rafa smirks a lazy, tired smirk. Well, at least he can Ney rile up a bit. "I can't pick you up for the team lunch, I have to - "

"What do you mean you can't pick me up?" Rafa interrupts him and sighs because really, that's such a Ney-thing to do.

"I mean that I can't pick you up, but I already organized someone who takes you there, so don't whine," says Ney, and he sounds _smug_ that little fucker.

"Yeah, yeah, piss of," Rafa grumbles. "Wait, what, who picks me up?"

"Ter, he comes at ten o' clock so better be ready. I don't think he dates unpunctual people," Ney giggles and then hangs up.

Rafa can only groan and sink back into his bed. Fuck Neymar and his stupid ideas. It's nine but he knows that he won't be able to sleep anymore. Rafa tries to stand up a few times, but in the end his bed wins and he just plays Benji Bananas on his phone until he checks the time and it's ten before ten and fuck - he scrambles out of his bed.

Rafa wanted to shower and maybe clean a bit because Marc surely liked clean, organized flats and clean, organized people and he was nothing of that, but maybe he could pretend. Rafa swallows and tries to calm down a bit, and then the fucking doorbell rings and he is panicking again.

"Puta," he mutters and dedicates the insult to Neymar in his mind. Why does Rafa have only shitty friends?

He opens the door without asking who it is, which might be a little bit stupid if he was like Cristiano Ronaldo and everybody knew where he lived, but he isn't, so it can only be Marc.

And it is Marc who is bright and smiles too wide and his hair is tussled like it always is when it's windy. Rafa feels like he just woke up now and not a few hours ago because Marc with his sunny smiles came through the door and makes him feel like that.

"Good Morning," he says and smiles again. "I guess you aren't ready yet? I'm sorry, I'm too early, but I - " Marc stops and stares into Rafa's eyes, and then he feels Marc's eyes roaming his body up and down and he's forcefully reminded that he's still half naked in his boxershorts.

"But you?" he manages to ask because he isn't going to stand there like an idiot and blush.

"But I like seeing you," Marc says, and winks, and oh God Rafinha is surrounded by stupid people.

"I'll just go and shower," Rafa says and turns around, ignoring Marc's comment. He can deal with that later or maybe he can forget it, but first he really has to shower and get to the lunch or Iniesta will rip his head off for being too late again. Rafa looks back to Marc, who is taking his shoes off, trotting in his living room and probably waiting for him on the couch.

Rafa really tries not to smile, but he still is and it feels like he doesn't stop, not when he's under shower and not when he's in Marc's car, and especially not when Marc talks about Christmas and going home and he can almost grasp his excitement.

Rafinha is still smiling, even when Ivan runs up to them and talks to Marc in a rapid mixture of languages that Rafa doesn't understand, and he is still smiling because although Marc's attention is now completely on Ivan and whatever they're talking about, his hand is still lingering on his back, squeezing from time to time to show him that he's not forgotten.

"Rafinha, we have to talk," suddenly there's Masche standing in front of him, and Ivan stops talking for a moment and rolls his eyes at Mascherano.

"You're being unnecessary," he says in Spanish and Marc looks at Rafa like he's supposed to know what is going here.

Masche only furrows his brows which is enough to scare every Ref away, but not enough for Ivan who only rolls his eyes again and drags Marc away from them.

"What do you want to talk about?" Rafinha asks because Masche usually doesn't have intimate under four eyes talks and especially not with him.

"We're waiting for Andŕes," is all Masche says, though, and now Rafa really is nervous. _Don Iniesta_ wants to talk to him on top of all this? What the hell is happening? Maybe it's because of the injury? Maybe he did something wrong? But then Iniesta actually comes to their table, which is suspiciously empty, and smiles. Rafa breathes deeply out, and leans a bit against his chair. It will be alright, he knows it from the way Iniesta smiles. Sometimes he forgets that his dreams came true, that his idols are his teammates now.

Masche and Iniesta look at each other for a moment as if to decide who should start talking, and it takes too long, so Rafa tries to break the silence.

"Is everything okay?"

"Yes," Iniesta says immediately. "We're not here to scold you or anything like that, we just need to talk, Rafinha." Masche's eyebrows are still furrowed tightly together so Rafinha doesn't quite believe it.

"About what, then?"

"Well, first of all," Masche starts, and Rafa's nervous again now, "Ivan wanted you to know that he let us know that this was a stupid idea and that you could sort that out for yourself, but we disagreed so we're still here."

"Aha." Rafa doesn't think he was ever so confused. Not once in his life before, not even when Thiago and Jona stood in front of his flat at two A.M., even though they should be at München and Villarreal and certainly not in Barcelona.

"When are you going to do something about the situation with Marc?"

Rafa feels his blood rushing in his cheeks. They can't be serious. They can't talk about this with him, why would it even matter?

"There is no situation with Marc," he says, and hopes that it's done and that they will understand that he doesn't want to talk about this.

"Rafinha, we only worry, alright?" Iniesta says and it is so weird to see Iniesta's face go all soft and cautious like he's talking to a scared animal, and Rafinha hates it. He hates that suddenly everyone wants to speak about this, even though he is not ready and he probably will never be, but these are his issues, and his issues alone.

"There's nothing to worry about."

"There is," Masche says and he looks at him with his angry stare, which is really not fair because everybody feels like they are five again when Masche looks at them like that, and it's not like Masche doesn't know this. "Because relationships in a team are risky, but we want you happy."

"Why do you even think we have something going on?" Rafa asks, exasperated.

Iniesta and Masche share a look.

"Even Xavi knows something is up and he is really far away now," Iniesta responds. "It's obvious that you're in love him."

"Xavi knows everything," Rafa grumbles, and then proceeds to stand up. "But he's not always right because I'm not in love with him, do you understand me?"

Masche sighs, and Iniesta looks worried, but Rafinha needs to get out of this so he can think again, breathe again. He turns around and walks over to the table where Leo, Ney and Luisito are. He knows nobody will ask him here about this because Luis is Luis, and Leo and Neymar are too caught up in their conversation to pay attention to anything else. Maybe Iniesta and Masche should talk to these two instead of him.

"Hey," suddenly there's Ter at his side, all warmth and a smile and a grey shirt that is stretched over his chest and his shoulders, and Rafa can't not look at Marc's chest. "What did Masche and Andrés want?"

"Oh," he says, "Nothing."

Ter raises his eyebrow and even Ney and Leo are listening to them now, so Rafa tries to look relaxed and casual. He should joke about this. He should be able to tell Ter the stories of Ney and Dani and Masche and Iniesta, and how they all thought there was something more between them than friendship, and then they should laugh together about it because it was just not true and completly hilarious.

Rafinha doesn't say anything at all. He just stares in Marc's eyes because they remind him of freedom and the sky and the ocean, everything he loves.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (how gone are u rafa it's actually ridiculous)


	4. four - lionel messi

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> progress! there will be a bit of progress in this chapter! a bit tho, only because we still have one more chap to go before rafa actually talks to marc.   
> you all are so lovely with your lovely comments, kind words and kudos. thank you so so much. it means so much to me. <3 i hope you enjoy this chapter, it features the brazukas and leo but since everyone but leo is drunk he has to do all the work. like he's drunk too a bit, but not that much because he is leo. we have more implied neymessi because this ship is too much sometimes. have a beautiful sunday, babes <3

They shouldn't be drinking. But it's one day before they all fly back home, and in Rafinha's case back to Brazil and to his and Ney's friends and warm pools and the food of his grandmother. 

Dani is dancing on the table. He looks ridiculous and his hips are swaying way too fast for the slow music, but it makes them all laugh and the other people in the club roll their eyes. He downs another shot while Adriano is hollering something at Dani that Rafa doesn't quite catch over the loud music, but Dani gets down from the table and squeezes his fat ass between Rafa and Ney. Dani is really, really drunk, but who is Rafinha to judge because he is only one shot away from puking all over the table. 

"There's Leo!" Ney suddenly screams and widly gesticulates to a group of people on the other side of the large room. 

"Why is Leo here?" Dani screams in his ear, and Rafa only shrugs. He pours himself another shot of Vodka and downs it in one go. He isn't drunk enough for this. Neymar, in the meanwhile, got up and went over to the group of people around Messi. 

Well, at least Rafa can sit down properly again now and isn't crushed by Dani's fat ass anymore. He doesn't feel like puking, but the world swims around him a bit and the words of the other's become a slurred haze, so he decides to lean back and just watch everything for a little while. Or he might actually puke, which would be really embarrassing. 

A few minutes later Neymar is at their table again, Leo plastered tightly to his side and Rafinha doesn't even ask anymore. 

"Hello," Leo says and smiles a bright smile. His cheeks are flushed and his hair is tussled and he looks like he either just made out with someone or drank three beers in a row. Possibly both. 

"Leo, my friend!" Dani shouts and manages to crawl over Rafinha to hug Leo. Rafa grunts because he crushed by Dani's fat ass again. They all settle down again and Dani falls asleep on his shoulder, and drools all over it, but Rafinha doesn't mind because firstly, the shirt is Bartra's anyway, and his head on his shoulder makes him feel like he isn't floating somewhere above them, seeing everything but being unable to laugh with them, unable to touch, to breathe, to live. Sometimes this feeling is like all the waves crushing over his head, the tons of the ocean weighing down on him and his lungs full of water. 

"Are you alright?" 

Rafinha doesn't know how in hell Leo managed to escape Neymar's grasp and sit next to him, but he doesn't ask. 

"I don't know," he says and it's so truthful that he is surprised of the words that come out of his mouth. "I am sorry," he adds because he is being weird and he knows this. 

Leo nods, once. And he smiles, a flicker of light in the dimly club room they are in, and Rafa feels a little bit calmer already. That has to be the Messi-Magic Ney always talks about. 

"You know," Leo says, "Andrés asked me to talk with Marc about you and him." 

Rafa just shrugs because he doesn't know what to do with this fact. He knows, of course, that Marc and Leo are friends, even though their friendship is not all over the place like Leo's and Neymar's. It's still there and it's obvious in the way they hug, in the way Leo sits with Marc after a Champions-League loss, cuddled against him.

Leo seems to wait for an answer, so Rafinha says "And?" and hopes that Leo will just talk. 

"I wanted to speak to you, first," he says and Rafinha would sigh and probably leave if he hadn't drunk so much alcohol before. Standing up sounds generally like a dangerous idea, he might start throwing up on Dani, or even worse on Leo. 

"Why?"

"Because I know what he thinks, but I'm not so sure about you." 

Rafa is tempted to ask what Marc thinks because he has problems figuring that out sometimes, but he knows Leo won't answer. 

"Then what do you think that I am thinking?" It feels like they both know what they really want to ask, what they really want to say, but they both don't want to use the right words so they just talk around that and hope that the other understands them. Rafa's head is spinning. Fuck, this conversation is too complicated for his drunk brain. 

"I think you love him," Leo blurts out and he blushes so hard Rafa still can see it even though the room should be too dark for that. He seems uncomfortable and fidgety and Rafinha can't blame him because their talk is awkward and weird and he doesn't know why Leo wants to ask him all that stuff. He understands Dani and Neymar, somehow, since they are his close friends and curious assholes who want to know everything that's going on in his life. And Masche and Iniesta are probably just worried about the team dynamics, that's what old men do. 

"It's not so easy," Rafinha says and he immediately wishes he said something else because Leo's eyes light up in a way that isn't good at all. 

"Well, why not? You're both young, you're both single, just try it." 

Rafa tries really hard not to roll his eyes, but he fails. Since when is Leo is so optimistic? What alcohol does to people, it's crazy. 

"We are both footballers," Rafa says, and Dani is waking up now or at least he stopped drooling on his shirt. "Of course it's not easy." 

Leo's eyes go soft. 

"I would lie if I said that you wouldn't have to worry about that because you have to," Leo's voice is soft too, and Rafa leans a bit closer so that he still catches every word. Even in his drunken state he realizes this might be important. "But your happiness is also important. And Marc's happiness too." 

Rafa wants to say something - that he never wanted Marc to be unhappy, that he doubts that Marc is even unhappy, that he still isn't love with Marc, that he's afraid of giving is all to a person again, that he doesn't want to ruin himself with something as stupid as love, and he certainly doesn't want to Marc with that- but Leo is right beside Neymar again and Dani is laying with his head in his lap, and Rafa thinks he might have to get going before he has vomit on his jeans. 

"Dani," he says, and he doesn't know if he's shouting his name or only whispering it, but Dani grunts as a reply so Rafinha takes it as a sign that it's okay to get up and find a bathroom. After a few seconds of trying not to startle Dani too much, Dani lies with his head on Rafa's jacket and he is stumbling to the toilet. 

He can't wait to finally be in Brazil. He'll see Thiago (not his brother unfortunately, but the other Thiago is alright as well. He can work with that) and all of their friends, his grandmother and the beautiful people of his country. Maybe he'll be able to forget Marc for a little while, even though he doubts that. 

Rafa splashes cold water in his face and tries to ignore how he gets reminded of Marc's cold hands on his neck when they hug before a game.


	5. five - thiago

The days Rafinha spent in Brazil were good.

"Being home is good for your soul," his grandmother said and petted his head like she used to do when he was a little kid. And, as usual, his _avó_ was right, Brazil was really good for his soul. The people, the sun, the food - it feels all incredible like home and warmth, and while he loves Barcelona and he feels home there, too, nothing can compete with the feeling he gets in Sao Paulo.

Today, though, is a bad day.

Both Neymar and Thiago flew back home in the morning, which leaves Rafa alone in the villa they rented together. David is also somewhere else, busy with the stuff he usually does. Rafinha doesn't even want to know. There's no food in the whole damn kitchen of the whole damn villa, his electric toothbrush decided to not work today, and the beach is way to crowded for him to visit. Rafinha isn't in the state to be recognized. Maybe he can call someone and convince them to drive all the way to the villa, preferably with food, a toothbrush and good music. Or he could just spend the day inside the villa, order take out, and watch shitty daytime TV.

At least he is sure that there is still an ice pack in the freezer for his knee.

Rafinha is still standing in the middle of the room and trying to decide what he should do, when his phone rings. Rafa only rolls his eyes, and takes the call without checking from whom it is. Probably Ney, who forgot something and wants him to take it with him to Barcelona.

"What did you forget this time? I'm not going to take your dirty underwear with me, especially not these ugly ones from your fashion line" he says and mentally prepares himself for searching the whole villa for something ridiculous like Ney's sunglasses or his hair gel because he always forgets his hair gel.

"Rafa?"

Oh, fuck.

It's not Neymar's voice. That is definitely not Neymar's voice.

"Rafa, are you there?" Marc asks and Rafa stutters out a yes. Someone please kill him _now_ , this is way to embarrassing. 

"Are you alright?" Marc asks, and he even sounds worried, and not like he is internally laughing at Rafa because he is an idiot.

"Yeah, yeah, I'm sorry I thought you were Ney," Rafa says hasty. Marc honest to god giggles, and it is so cute that Rafa momentarily forgets about his embarrassment.

"Did Neymar forget his hair stuff again?"

"I don't - how do you even know that?"

"Neymar always forgets stuff? You know that one time after one of the Copa matches, he almost forgot his whole bag in the locker room, but Jordi took it with him," Marc says and Rafa can hear the smile in Marc's voice, and he reminds himself that Marc knows the team, that Marc isn't that long in Barcelona, but that he has made friends, got to know the people and their behaviours.

"Yeah right," Rafa says, "but why are you calling me anyway?"

"Because I miss you and wanted to talk to you?" Marc sounds kind of confused while Rafa is just blushing and glad that nobody can see him.

"Oh," is all that comes out of his mouth, "Okay."

And then Rafa remembers that he actually has something called conversation skills and asks about his break, and how Germany was, and Rafa puts Marc on loud speaker after half an hour and takes the phone out to the pool, his feet dangling in the cool water, and nobody needs to know that he only does that because it feels like Marc is actually beside him. (white skin getting red and burned, and smiling a blinding smile, sometimes splashing Rafa with water while he talks about his Christmas.)

"I have to go now, I'm sorry," Marc says after some time, and Rafa feels a pang, just a quick sting like a needle, but it's a hurtful pang anyway. He tells himself that he is ridiculous, and says "Yes, I probably should get going too. I still need a toothbrush." And for a moment he worries if Marc might think that he is weird, but Marc only laughs and it makes him feel warm and welcome.

"I hope you find a toothbrush," Marc says. "Call me when you have time, alright?"

"Will do," Rafa says, and Marc ends the call, and then there is only the beeping of his phone, the sound of water splashing around his feet, and Rafa, but he still doesn't feel alone.

Later, after he found enough motivation to go to a little store, bought a toothbrush and something to eat that wasn't take-out, he calls Thiago.

They don't talk everyday, but as often as they are able to. They also meet up as often as their training and the matches allow, which is a lot more since Rafa is injured. But still - being without Thiago feels wrong. Thiago is coming home after a long day, and he is the bittersweet feeling of leaving but always, always knowing that you will see each other again.

"Bro!" Thiago says the second he picks up, "Finally managed to call your old man!"

"You are not my old man, idiot," Rafa says, but Thiago only laughs. "I know, I know. So tell me, what's up?"

"Nothing, really, and with you?" And there is nothing to tell, there really isn't, he just spend his day in the house and did nothing.

"You sure?" Thiago asks and how his brother is able to figure out that something is wrong, just by hearing his voice, is something Rafa will never understand.

"No," he says, because it is the truth again.

"Has it something to do with your German Muffin?"

"My, what? Are you serious?" Thiago laughs again and Rafa really wishes Thiago would sit beside him so that he could punch him. Idiot, honestly.

"Müller called Neuer Muffin the other day, and don't even ask they are weird like that - but I had to think of your goalkeeper, so he is your German Muffin," he tells Rafa and Rafa is seriously considering flying all the way to Germany to save his brother from Bayern Munich, they seem to be even more strange than they are, and that says a lot.

"And you didn't think of Bravo? Isn't he Chilean Muffin Material?"

"Bravo would be more of a bun with jam, I think. Or a doughnut. Chilean Doughnut, how does that sound?"

"Terrible," is all Rafa can say. "Really fucking terrible. I better not say anything to both Marc and Bravo, they wouldn't be flattered."

"Everyone would be flattered by an Alcantara compliment," Thiago laughs again and Rafa cracks up too, and that's the way they are spending time on the phone all the time, laughing over a stupid joke that isn't even funny.

"But," Thiago continues after a few minutes of laughing, "You still haven't told me what's up with the German Muffin and you?"

"It's weird," Rafa says and kind of hopes that Thiago will ask what is weird, while another part of him hopes Thiago will just leave it be.

Of course, Thiago asks. He wouldn't be his brother if he didn't. "Weird? What is weird?"

"The team thinks we have something going on like a relationship or fucking or something, I don't even know. Even Leo talked to me about it, Leo Messi, can you believe that? It's just weird."

"But are you in a relationship or fucking or something?" Thiago asks.

"No!" Rafa exclaims and maybe it was a bit too fast, maybe it was a desperate no so he hears his brother sighing.

"But do you wish you had something?"

Rafa doesn't know what to answer. He tries to imagine himself with Marc in a relationship, how they would spend their days together and their nights, how Marc would be always awake before him and probably greet him with breakfast in bed at least once a week because Marc is a sappy like that. He thinks about the feeling of home in Marc's arms when they cuddle after a match, and he imagines how it would be to experience these hugs all the time, everyday.

"Rafinha? Come on, talk to me," Thiago's voice is gentle like it always is when he gets into his big bro mode.

"I don't know," is all Rafa can say because there's also the other side of things, where everything can shatter, when it won't work out and they won't be even able to play together anymore. Maybe Marc wants them to come out and Rafa doesn't think he will be ever ready for that or Marc will lose interest in him, he will get sick of him someday even if it takes months. He will fall in love, and fall and fall and trust Marc that he will catch him before he collides with the ground, but Rafa isn't stupid, he knows he'll probably fall and fall and fall, and Marc will let him shatter on the ground in tiny pieces.

"Rafa, you can't live your life alone. If this is about Oscar - "

"This isn't about him," Rafinha cuts him off, quickly. He doesn't want to talk about Oscar, he'd even rather talk about Ter than about him.

"I think it is, though. Because after Oscar you never were in a relationship, not in a real one. And you know, that's fine, but Rafa you are not happy like that, I know you. You need people around you, people whom you love and people who love you. You don't have to marry that guy immediately, neither have you stay together with him forever, but just try it. Not everyone is a dick like Oscar was, even though it feels like it. Really, try it, please?"

Rafa could never deny his brother anything, not once in his whole life. He isn't so sure about this thing, though.

"I am not in love with him," Rafa mumbles, more out of habit than anything else, but Thiago doesn't need to know that.

"I never said that you were in love with him," Thiago says. "But, well, if you ask me, I definitely think you could fall in love with him, just saying. I am serious when I say you should try it. And if he turns out to be a dick, I'll take the next flight and punch him until he is a puddle on the floor."

"Thiago!" Rafa seriously doubts that Thiago can punch Marc until he is a puddle on the floor, but he is also the last person who would ever underestimate his angry brother. Angry Thiago can do everything.

"What? That's in my job description. And now tell me something about Brazil, I am not going to end this phone call until I know the story behind David Brazil's snapchat stories, seriously, how drunk were you?"

Rafa laughs and tells him the story of the other Thiago dancing, and of the numerous Red Bull with Vodka he drank, and about Ney who fell in the pool after he tried to dance on the slippery ground to _Ai se eu te pego_.

"He still listens to that song?" Thiago snorts.

"No, thank god, but it came on in the radio and he immediately jumped up and danced. You know Ney, he's always like that."

"At least it wasn't Justin Bieber," Thiago says dryly and Rafa starts singing _Love Yourself_ until Thiago hangs up on him.

Rafa is stil grinning when one of his friends call him and ask him about going to beach, so he says yes. A few minutes later he gets a text from Thiago which says "Te Amo" as if Rafa didn't know that.

And maybe he imagines how it would be to hear these words out of Marc's mouth, his accent making them even slower and sweeter than they usually would be. And maybe he stares too long at the ocean because when it reflects the sun, it looks a lot like Marc's eyes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i am sorry sorry sorry for the long wait! i knew how i wanted this chapter but the words somehow didn't come out and well, it took long. but here i am!! also shoutout to littlemissaily for guessing it will be thiago who can kinda talk sense into rafa, back in the day of the first/second chapter.  
> aaand: ney and rafa actually spend christmas together and there were actually pictures of them in david brazil's snapchat story and i was really jealous of david brazil in that moment. the german muffin idea is based on this post (https://neyvenger.tumblr.com/post/138293399790). and ney really loves justin bieber, just check out his snapchat. he is adorable.  
> leave me comment if you like, i'd love to hear your opinion and thoughts <33


End file.
